Joy

Sep3

It is getting harder and harder to find joy! There is a distinct difference…as I am sure you are aware…between happiness and joy! Happiness is the fleeting feeling that comes with the endorphin rush. You buy a new purse, you get a high mark on a test you studied for, you see a movie that leaves you with a positive feeling afterward. Joy runs deeper. It is in your bones. Joy lasts even when happiness has subsided. Joy is what we search for on a daily basis and often times confuse with happiness. There is reason the character in Disney’s “Inside Out” is named “Joy” and not “Happiness.” It was intentional.

When you search the difference between happiness and joy, the Google AI returns this: Happiness is a positive emotion often tied to external events and circumstances, making it temporary and situational. (Look back at the examples above. They are all fleeting moments) Joy is a deeper, more enduring internal states of contentment and deep satisfaction that is less dependent on outward conditions and can persist even during difficult times.

How do you find joy? Do you actively look for it in your everyday life? Or are you confusing those fleeting moments of happiness as joy? It is difficult to discern the two. It is even more difficult to intentionally find the joy in the everyday mundane aspects of life, but believe me they are there. A leaf falling from a tree as it glides slowly to the ground. A sunset bursting with colors that radiate through the sky. The first laugh of a newborn baby. The smell of that first cup of coffee in the morning. All these are examples of things myself and people dear to me find joy in. These experiences hit in a place that it deep seated, almost visceral. There is not always an endorphin rush or synapse firing in the brain. It is just contentment. A peaceful, internal feeling that can be hard to describe to someone who has not found their joy.

For me, I find the most joy in bringing others joy. I am an empath, sometimes I feel I have too much empathy, if there is such a thing. It hurts me physically to see others people in pain, emotional or otherwise. Even if it has nothing to do with me, or if they are a complete stranger. I have a guttural reaction when I see someone that does not have joy in their life, or are suffering in any way. Everyone deserves joy! I cannot stand seeing fake smiles. You know the ones. Where the cheeks aren’t fully puffed up and the corners of the mouth do not quite reach the eyes. If you do not have crows feet and laugh lines when you get old, you did not have enough joy in your life. #sorrynotsorry

My family and I just relocated to Florida in June (See my last blog post from June 27) and it is a transition!!! I work to find the joy in each day, and help my family do the same. However, each day it gets harder. I feel like I have to push harder to help some of them find their joy, while at the same sacrificing my joy.

I have decided to start a YouTube Podcast and TikTok that focuses on finding joy in the every day moments in life. The small things that are right in front of you that may not always see. My hope is that as I help others find their joy, I will find mine again.

New Floridians

Jun27

My family and I just took a huge leap of faith! Well I guess it was more like a stroll of faith if you consider how long it actually took for it to come to fruition!

In April of 2024 my husband was recommended to apply for a new position by a friend who had just accepted a similar position with the same company. The main requirement was that we needed to relocate to the Orlando Florida area. We discussed the pros and cons for our family of 4, but ultimately made the decision that he would at least apply and we would see what happens. Within 3 weeks of him hearing about the job; he applied, passed the assessment, interviewed, and was offered the position! It was kind of like a whirlwind romance.

He accepted the position and we started the process of preparing to move from Southern NJ, just outside of Philly, where I was born and raised, to Florida. Living in Florida has always been my dream! The beautiful, paradise like climate, the beautiful views and all the things to see and do. No to mention my dream retirement is to work in a shop for Disney or Universal! I was 42 at the time, he was 40, and I truly felt that the universe and God put this opportunity in front of us for a reason. We wanted to have better opportunities for our children and their dreams and interests! My 10yr daughter is interested in the space program and my 6yo son wants to be a farmer.

I am incredibly excited for this new chapter and all of the things we will be able to accomplish and experience!

I say that it was a stroll of faith because we decided to build a home in a new community which took time, and we also chose to allow our children to finish the school year in NJ. So my husband moved down to start his new job in November and I stayed behind with our kids to sell the house, finish the school year and complete the move!

We have been here just about a week now and while we are still unpacking and getting settled, I have high hopes for the days and years to come! If tou want to achieve your dreams you have to fight for them! Take the leap, or stroll, of faith and make it happen!

Fear and Anxiety

Jan14

Got some news today. Not good not bad. Just news. I had a mammogram on Friday. Today is Tuesday. I got a call from the radiologist telling me they need to take a second look at my right breast. There was no alarm in her voice. No urgency to scheduling if the follow up scan. Just matter of fact statement. This is what we need to do and what you need to bring. Simple.

I cried for the next 2 hours as I called my doctor to get a script. To the receptionist as I tried to tell her what kind of script I needed because I couldn’t process what the radiologist tech told me I needed to get. To my nurse cousin as I texted her to calm me down. To my closeted friends as I reached out for comfort and support.

There is no new other than the fact that they need to take another look at the breast. Period. But my fear and anxiety have gone into overdrive. Imagining every single horrendous and terrible scenario it can possibly think up.

Is it cancer? Will I lose my breast? Will I lose them both? Will I die young? Is it nothing? Am I overthinking? Overreacting? What will happen to my kids? The plans we have? Can my husband handle things without me?

But I know nothing right now other than they need to look again! Why do our minds take us to these places? Why does fear and anxiety consume us in this way? It is 6pm and I am in bed, alone, with the kids downstairs with their dad. I am terrified of so many different scenarios playing through mg head right now because fear and anxiety have taken over. Why do we let it consume us? How do move through it?

How hard is too hard?

Sep30

How hard is too hard? That is the question that I asked myself today. I am referring to how hard we push our kids outside their comfort zone. How hard is too hard to push them to try something new? How hard is too hard to push them to do something you know they will love and asked to do but when the time comes to do it they refuse?

That is the exact situation I was in today with E. But let me backup and start from the beginning. Last spring we signed E up for tot soccer with our local town program. This was his first time on a team (he had taken gymnastics class when he was 2 but that was different)He had just turned 4. We wanted him to have something to do outside of tv watching and video games (which we do limit throughout the week.) But we want him to learn how to work with others, how to be on a team, and how to follow directions from someone other than parents and teachers. And honestly, learning to be a coachable kid is a huge skill that I think most parents forget to teach their children. he absolutely loved playing soccer. It was 8 weeks on Saturday morning and he couldn’t get enough! He even told me that he couldn’t wait to play in the next season!

Cut to the next season! The first practice of the season he did well! Took some coaxing to get him on the field but once he was out there he had a blast. The next week dad took him. When we refused to play for almost 30 minutes (of the 45 minute practice) dad let him leave and then took away electronic privileges for the remainder of the day. I dis agreed with dad allowing him to leave. I thought he should have made him at least stay the full time and watch the practice.

Well that is the situation I was in today. We arrive and he is kicking the ball around with me having a great time, but when it is time to go on the field with his team, he has none of it. He DOES NOT want to go out there. He told me is scared but would not tell him why he is scared. It was not drop off soccer. There is a designated area for the parents to stand and watch, which is the complete outer rim of the playing field. All the parents were right there cheering their kids on. So that is where I tried to stand, while trying to coax him out there. But I ask, how hard is too hard?

He has 4 friends on his team from school, which I thought would totally help get him out there. But again, he would have none of it. I coaxed him to at least sit on his ball at the very edge cone on the field. It was a start. One of the youth assistant coaches came over and he was not having it. I finally got E to tell me that he was scared because the coaches were not the same coaches as last year and he didn’t know them! OK!! Progress! We identified the fear!! Then another youth assistant coach came over to work with, but this time he hung in there. I asked his name, Brent, and explained that E was scared that he didn’t know the coaches. Brent got down to his level, introduced himself, and told E a little bit about himself. That didn’t get him on the field but it made him a little more comfortable.

All the while this is happening, I am standing just 2 feet from him. Allowing the coaches to do what they do. After a few minutes, E ran back to me. I asked him to at least try. I didn’t care if he kicked the ball all over the field, scored a goal, or even ran around. I just wanted him to try to stand on the field with his teammates. I informed that if daddy found out he didn’t even try he would lose his electronics privileges again (probably not the best tactic but I was desperate.) Then his friend’s mom said that she would give him a lollipop if he stood with his teammates (again, bribery is probably not the best solution but I am still desperate here.)

With only 10 minutes left in the 45 minute practice, he met the head coach, Coach Elena and her sister, the assistant coach. They offered to allow him to stand with Coach Elena and help coach the team. Be coaches in training! He got out there. He stood with Coach Elena and observed at first! But then ball got kicked right to him and he kicked it back! All the parents on the sides helped me cheer him on, which was awesome because it really does take a village. And that was all he needed! I yelled to him how proud I am of him and he was off to the races. I stuck it out with him for 35 minutes and it worked!

I was ready to give in but I didn’t! I taught him that we don’t quit. When we overcome an obstacle it makes us so proud! He was so proud of himself when the practice was finished! And I am so proud of him for getting out there!

Today was hard

Sep9

Today was hard! Like probably the hardest day of parenting I have had so far in 8.5 years of being a parent. Harder than the sleepless nights. Harder than the pain of childbirth. The hardest. Today I had to console a devastated 8.5 year old after she did not get a “call back” for her audition for a play. Now you may not think that is hard. But YOU my dear are sorely mistaken. Seeing your child in tears, completely inconsolable, knowing that there is absolutely nothing you can say or do to make it better, is the hardest thing to deal with as a parent. Now I know that there will be many more times over the course of my child’s life that we will be in this situation. The loss of first love. The pain of a loved one passing. But this was the first time.

This is not her first theater rodeo. She has been doing theater summer camp for 4 years now and has gotten some really great roles. But this was different. This was a new theater company, it was an all ages casting call and she had to prepare a specific song that they chose. In the past she was able to choose any song she wanted. So we practiced. We practiced for weeks! She worked so hard for this audition.

I should disclose that I am tone deaf. I know…shocking…but I am! But husband finally had the guts to tell me. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to sing. I sing in the car, in the shower, around the house, while cooking and cleaning, at shows, pretty much anywhere! But it is true! I am tone deaf, which means I cannot help her with the singing part if we want her to be good. I left her to her own devices. Quite literally, I found the karaoke version of the song and the live version of the song and she was left to figure it out on her own. I wish that I could have done more to help her. But alas, I could not.

Well we auditioned today at 4:15. She went in confident and ready, after a small freak out in the car, but we all need to get those jitters out right??? AFTER the freak out, she went in confident and ready. She sang her song, with only 1 moment of prompting from the director (she is 8 after all) and she came out feeling good about her audition. We waited patiently for her two friends to finish their auditions and then went for ice cream as a group to celebrate what they all just did. Which was a HUGE thing. I do not care who or what, getting up at 8 years to sing along in front of adults in hopes of getting casted is a HUGE thing!! So we celebrate with ice cream! It was a wonderful outing and she loved it.

We came home to watch Newsies, the 1992 film version obviously, and as soon as the movie ended the call back list was up. And her name wasn’t on it. Both her friends’ names were on it, being called back for the role that she wanted. Watching her take the news that she did not get a call back just gutted me. I could see the wheels turning in her head. I could her brain taking in the information. Then her world ended.

I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t say anything. I could only sit there while she processed and cried and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I wanted to wrap her up in a hug and curse and bad mouth the people involved. I wanted to cry with her and her she never has to do anything like that ever again. I wanted to hold her and tell her that she can never leave the house again if that is what she wants. All of those things are the wrong answer. I sat there and did my best. I did my best to let her know how proud I am of how hard she worked. I did my best to make her feel loved and supported. I did my best to validate her feelings. I did my best to just be there.

Eventually, she went to her room alone. I gave her space. With her gone, I reached out to the parents of her friends that did get call backs and congratulated them and wished them luck and even gave tips and advice for the call back. After giving her sufficient time to process and be alone, I went to check on her. We sat in mostly silence for the next half hour. We snuggled, she cried, she pulled away, we snuggled again, she pulled away, she cried, she was fine, she snuggled and on and on and on. Until finally she got under her covers and indicated she was ready to sleep.

Grief is exhausting. Whatever you are grieving, it is exhausting. By the end of the night, she was at a point where nothing I said was going to be absorbed. She needed sleep and time to properly process and grieve this situation.

What I need to do now is tread lightly. I need to help her grieve this situation, without her losing her love and passion for theater. If this is truly what she wants she needs to be prepared for disappointment and struggle. It is such a hard lesson to learn at 8.5. And such a hard situation to be in as a parent. But all I can do is be there for her and support her as she processes through this. We never “get over it.” That is not the right way to grieve. When you grieve, you move through “it.” “It” will always be with you, making you better, stronger, different, but “it” will always be a part of who you are. I just hope I am doing my part right. For her sake!

Mom Friends!

Feb25

I came to the realization today that I suck at making mom friends! I am awkward. I stutter. I make stupid jokes. All in the hopes that the mom in the dance class parking lot will engage and want to talk to me. When we were children we were almost forced into some time of friendships because the moms were friends, or we were in school together and the whole class had to be invited to the birthday party. So it was a pseudo friendship. I had quite a few of them. When I speak with the moms of those kids that I played with, I politely ask how their child is doing and tell them to give “Johnny” or “Sally” my best even though I have not seen them for years!!! Because if not, my mother will “South Philly Italian” slap me upside the head.

As we got older we made and kept friendships based on similar interests but still it was easy to start a conversation because you were in the same homeroom or on the same sports team. You had the basic connection of a shared space for a finite period of time. You had to engage with peers and therefore friendships blossomed. And that is amazing!!! Many people keep those friendships into adulthood and that is a blessing. But sadly, for many that doesn’t happen. We grow up, grow apart, move away, go off to college or whatever happens that causes the separation.

Now I find myself struggling to connect with people now that I am a side part combing, skinny jean wearing, cry face emoji using old maid mama. Don’t get me wrong…I love all three of those things! They give me comfort and make me feel safe and secure. And this skinny jean wearing mama can go to the wine store!!!

With all the isolation and separation due to The Rona it is already hard enough to connect with the people we HAVE a relationship with, let alone try to make new connections! I was at the park during the week with my 6yo daughter and she was having the time of her life. While she was playing I overheard a mom say something amazing to her son (I don’t remember what it is now because after 2 kids, a full time job and isolation I have Dory’s memory) but I made a comment in agreement and she engaged! She responded and we started talking. She was laughing and I was laughing…the mom flirting was going great! Because that is what you have to do when you want to make a new mom friend. You have flirt with them. Tell them they’re pretty. That their “eyes are like the see after a storm.” Tell them they’re doing a boss job mommying it. Whatever it takes for them to just engage. So then when I asked if which school her 7 yo son went to, because you know…my kid is 6… her kid is 7…close in age…play date planning in my head…mom flirting…she was trying to get them to play together…then she drops the bomb and my dreams of a new mom friend are shattered…her in-laws live in town, she doesn’t and then she left. I felt like it was just swiped the wrong way on Tinder (I have no idea which direction is good or bad on Tinder because I am a side part mom.)

Now please don’t take this post to mean that I have no friends. That would just be pathetic and only slightly accurate. I have some excellent and wonderfully dear friends. A couple from my childhood, a couple from high school, a couple from college and a few dear friends through work. Other than my “work” friends, many of my other friends and I have differing parenting styles, opposing political views and our lifestyles don’t match (our kids are all different ages and they don’t really play together.) Also, I am new in my town and it would be nice to have 1 or 2 moms that I can talk to about things happening in the school, roll our eyes together at school board meetings or even volunteer together for school field trips (if the apocolypse is ever averted and they have them again.)

All of this is made that much harder with the mask wearing. Disclaimer…I don’t mind wearing masks. I lived in Japan where wearing a mask is not unusual and would wear them often. So please do not take what I am saying to mean I don’t want to wear a mask. I am PRO-MASK. But I think that we can all agree that the wearing of the mask makes it that much harder to connect. What I mean is…I think I am hilarious (I am humble too.) Not George Carlin or Monty Python hilarious but I have been known to get out a few side splitters. But that only works if one can hear my under breath, sarcastic comments. The ones that are made at a volume just loud of enough for the person next to me, “Mom Friend Target” to hear but low enough that person or group that I am being sarcastic about can’t hear. That does not work if I have to yell to be heard through the cloth and elastic and everyone from here to Tennessee can hear me.

The moral of the story is…if you are in the dance school parking lot or on the soccer field and a mom awkwardly tries to engage with you…be kind. More often than not that mom just needs a friend. Not necessarily a Ride or Die Friend…because she probably has one but sadly not nearby…But someone she can talk to at the weekly class/practice and not look like a loser with no friends.

D.O.N.E.

Jan7

I am done! Completely and totally! I legit cannot handle one more thing! 2020 sucked! I know that everyone is saying, “It brought me more time with my kids!” “We were able to get so much closer as a family unit!” “We need to be thankful for the blessings that we were given!” STOP IT! ok…just Stop It! Trying trying to look like the perfect parent, or the perfect employee, or the perfect whatever! Just stop and admit that 2020 SUCKED! There is so much about it that sucked! People were isolated in their homes, some without any contact to the outside world. Numerous businesses shut down (especially in my home state of NJ,) families were ripped apart at the seams as loved ones succumbed to this f*cking awful virus, there were riots in the streets because society cannot adult and discuss their differences and my anxiety freaking quadrupled.

We have been forced to be apart and separate for nearly 10 months. 10 MONTHS! The same amount of time it takes to grow an entire human within another human! 10 MONTHS! I am done! In my last post I wrote about how my husband and I both tested positive for COVID-19. Which sucks!

Well 2021 is not shaping up to be much better. My uncle passed away tonight. He went into liver failure (not related to COVID-19) and they had to take him off life support tonight. I cannot believe that it is true! He was just here at Thanksgiving eating and laughing with us (he was part of our circle) but now he is gone! He was the nicest man and would do anything for you! He helped us move into our new home in June mid pandemic because he could and we had no one else. He said, “This is family and that is what family does!” He was such a good man. He was alone in his hospital room because he had previously tested positive for COVID-19 and so he couldn’t have anyone with him. It sucks! I cannot comfort my family because I am in quarantine since I tested positive for COVID-19. It sucks!

Yes, there are many people in the country, even the world, that are dealing with similar things and situations and I feel so much empathy for them. I felt their pain and I felt their sorrow without ever having to go through it, but I am going through it now and it sucks!

But do you want to know the kicker…I am angry! I am more angry than I am sad. I mean I am devastated that he is gone but anger is the emotion that tops my radar at present. I am angry this virus exists. I am angry that I cannot go comfort my aunt that just lost her brother. I am angry that my kids cannot play with other kids at the park. I am angry that my Kindergartener has to learn how to read through Google Meet classes. I am angry that she didn’t get a preschool graduation. I am angry that my 2 year old has been living through a pandemic in quarantine almost as long as he been alive. I am angry that the politicians can’t put their own agendas aside to do what is best for the American people (that is supposed to be why they are in office right?) I am angry that I can’t invite my family over or go to bar or go to a restaurant without fear of catching, or passing, the virus. I am just angry!

I try so hard to put on a happy face for my kids. I don’t want them to see how much I am struggling with the world and everything that is happening. I don’t want their childhoods marred by my anxiety, depression and anger. I want them to have as many happy and amazing childhood memories as they possibly can. But each day it is getting harder and harder to fake it!

I said to my husband the other day that I do not know how the world will ever go back to the way it was before. I just don’t believe it is possible. I fear that we, as a civilization, will be separated and isolated from each other for eternity. I sadly don’t see us coming together as family for big, happy gatherings. I don’t see our kids making new friends at the park. I don’t see us talking with strangers on the subway. I just see more derision, more division and more isolation in our future and that makes me angry!!!

An Enormous Weight

Dec31

I feel it…the weight…the weight of being a mom…the weight of being a wife…the weight of working full time…the weight of working full time at home while my kids are learning from home…the weight of being a contributing member of society…the weight of the state of the world…the weight of the Global Pandemic…the weight of the Covid-19. I have it. I caught it. We took so many precautions, tried to be so careful. This SUCKS! There is really no better word for this situation. Sucks…it feels like the wind has been literally sucked out of my lungs. I have asthma and I feel like I cannot take a a full deep breath. It feels like there is a small weight sitting at the top of my lungs that is only opening a part of the way to let the air in. Sucks…it feels like the desire to play with my kids has been sucked out of my life. I am sad, depressed, angry, anxious and so many other emotions that I cannot even name at this point. Sucks…It feels like all the thoughts have been sucked out of my brain. I cannot focus. I cannot think straight. I feel like I cannot even process what is happening.

My husband has also tested positive…My children both tested negative, thankfully but it is like a double edged sword. I am over the moon that they tested negative and there was no chance that Elliot infected anyone at school. But at the same time, I am slightly disappointed. If they did have it, they would be asymptomatic and getting through it without issue. Now I will terrified that they will catch it from us…AND…they have to quarantine for 24 DAYS!! That is a very long time to be isolated from the outside world. I am an extroverted extrovert. I need people around me. I need to interact with the outside world. Even if it is just to run to Wawa to get a coffee or a gallon of milk. I need to see people and community around me. That is the whole reason that I chose a career in HR, to be with and work with people.

I love my children, with everything that I am but 3.5 weeks without visitors, without being with people at all, for that long will drive anyone crazy! All day, everyday I think about worry about this virus and everything that is happening. Am I doing enough to protect my family, my children, myself? Am I making the right decisions to balance their safety and their sanity?

Right now we are waiting for test results to come back for many of my family members and I feel responsible for this. Though, I had no way of knowing that I had been exposed…as I said earlier we were taking precautions…when my aunt tested negative we thought we were in the clear, I had no idea that you still needed to quarantine for 10-14 days. Had I known that I would not have seen her…I would have known that there was still a chance to catch it.

They don’t tell you everything…the media…the people in charge…the powers that be…they only tell you what scares you…they only tell you enough to keep you under their thumb…they only tell what they want you to know…so you think think how they want you to think…so you will feel how they want you to feel. I am struggling so hard with what I am feeling and I cannot really make sense of any of this. I don’t know how to reconcile what I am feeling with everything around me.

I should be enjoying this time with my kids, I have 1.5 weeks off from work and we are all quarantined together, I should be excited to have this time with them. I should be planning all these different things to do with them, but I just don’t have it in me. I just really going through the motions of what I should be doing as their mom.

I hope and pray that 2021 brings change, serenity, hope, and peace. Each of these are desperately needed…by all of humanity.

Corona Isolation

Apr14

It has been a very long time since I have actually taken to my computer to blog. Most of my blogging takes place on my Mom-Stagram (which you can find at anxiouslyramblingmom on Instagram) but today I need to get it all out. Whether you read my blog or not, I need an outlet and my councilor once said that getting it out of your systems helps more than you realize. So read on…or don’t…I care not…like what I have to say…or don’t…I care not.

I CANNOT handle this quarantine. There is a reason that I work outside the home! I mean don’t get me wrong! I love my children! They are my reason for everything, but I NEED A BREAK from them! My children are incredibly hyper, engaged, into everything, think they are smarter than everyone, wild children. In 2 days my 16 month old has fallen off the coffee table, jumped off the toy chest onto a box toy, fallen off the couch and has been dropped by his 5 year old sister. My 5 year old is now spending the majority of her days switching between her tablet, our iPad, her dad’s old phone and the laptop playing ABC Mouse, watching YouTube and Disney+.I started strong with a schedule and all kinds of activities for her to do. But trying to homeschool her, while taking care of her brother and trying to work full time is insane. It just cannot be done….oh and did I mention we are in the process of selling our house to move in with my mother for a month until we can move into our new house???

If this doesn’t end soon people are going to start rioting in the streets…mostly by my husband and me. AND if I see one more meme or post that says working moms now know what stay at home moms deal with I am going to scream because it is in no way the same. Trying to have a Zoom call with my entire team or my customers with my child screeching in the background is not the same thing. We are lucky enough that my husband and I can continue to work from home and still have income to pay our bills and keep food on the table. I know we are so lucky…he is considered essentials because he feeds the troops with his job, but we are lucky that he can do that from home without having to leave the house, risking our exposure to the virus.

I believe that we should have closed our borders back in January when this thing started and stopped letting people in that could risk the health and safety of the American people…but no we didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. We should have locked down the entire country to keep this thing from spreading….but no we didn’t want to violate anyone’s civil liberties. Well…now we have thousands of people sick and dying. We need this to end and it needs to end now!

I am not trying to lessen any person’s experience. I am not trying to start and argument. I am just releasing my pent up feelings….so don’t come at me all butt hurt over what I have written or over what I believe.

Tech

Apr6

I noticed something today…well I have noticed it many time before now but today is when it really hit me. I was sitting in Wendy’s with my 4.5 year old daughter. We were eating lunch together. We just had added a baby to the family so we try to spend quality time together just her and I whenever we can. It is not easy with a 4 month old but we carve out the smallest amount of time whenever we can. Today it really hit me how much tech has taken over the lives of our youth.

My daughter has a tablet that has a bunch of games and shows on it. We have the parental controls set to give her a set amount of time each day, usually 1.5 hours. Once that time runs out the tablet shuts off until the next 7 am the next day. We even have it set to shut down at 7 pm to not cause issues at bedtime. She has completely gotten used to it and it helps limit the amount of screen time she gets. She also has rules that she needs to follow. No tablet at the table when we are eating, if someone speaks to her she must put the tablet down and engage them and we must approve any new game or show she wants to play/watch. She has done incredibly well with these rules.

While at Wendy’s she put her tablet aside to each her lunch and we engaged in conversation and silly play. We built her kid’s meal toy together and just bonded. As we were enjoying what little mommy-daughter time we get I noticed a family come in. It was 2 younger grandparents (maybe in their late 50’s) and 2 kids (roughly 8 and 10) and the entire time they were in Wendy’s the kid played on their devices, even while they ate. The grandparents spoke to each and the barely engaged the kids. I was blown away. But when I think about it, most places I go I see children on their devices keeping themselves isolated from their peers.

At the play area in the mall, a little girl was Snapchatting on the slide instead of playing with the numerous other children in the play area. But when I looked around I saw no less than a dozen parents with their heads buried in their phones and barely watching their children. I am guilty of it too. I find that if my 4.5yo is busy playing well with other children I use that time to check my email or my Instagram but we need to stop.

We, as parents, need to show our children that there is more to life than our tech. We need to teach our children how to interact with other people. We need to teach them how to ask anther kid if it is OK to play with them or even how to say “Hello! My name is …!” But most children cannot do that these days. We are letting our children down.

So parents, I implore you, put down your electronics and take the time to engage with your children. Teach them how to be intelligent, well-adjusted adults. Because if we keep going the way we are going our future is headed for a lonely and awkward future.