My darling daugter,
I am sitting in the living room with you while you watch Pororo for the 1000th time. I finally got tired of saying no to the 1000000 other things you have gotten into; pots and pans, cereal, soda cans, trash etc. After you napped for only 40 min I decided that I just couldn’t say no one more time today. I just didn’t have it in me. I love you more than anything in this world. But you have no idea that after you woke up and I tried fruitlessly to put you back down for a nap I sobbed while holding you on my arms. You wanted me to sing 3 little monkeys, which I did through blurred eyes and sobs. You gave me hugs, smiled and laughed as I sang through my tears. I worry daily about 9 thousand different things. And today I broke a little. For that I am sorry but mommy is not perfect! I do my best everyday and I pray that it is enough!
My darling daughter,
From the day you were born you were never much of a cuddler. Never needing anyone for help. You were always independent. As your mother it made me both proud and sad. Proud to know that my spirited daughter will be handle anything that comes her way but sad because I was feared you wouldn’t need me. But this past weekend things changed. You began hugging me tight, grasping for me and not wanting to let me go. This made feel two separate emotions as before. Happy that you wanted me near you but afraid because I did not know what was wrong or how to help. Something else you have had since you were an infant is night terrors. You will randomly cry out in the night, for no more than 60 secs, then go back to sleep. Recently, however, you have been doing it more. I fear now that your night terrors are getting worse and I don’t know how to fix it. I have spent the past two night hugging you while you calm down for bed and then rubbing your back until you fall asleep. Something I am ecstatic to do but at the same time I am worried about what has caused this change. I hope that it is just a phase, you will move passed it and mama is just being paranoid (which I am most of the time when it comes to my child.) But always remember that no matter I will always protect you, even if I don’t know how, I will find a way.