Tag Archive | parenthood

The Village

Nov4

There is so much truth to the phrase “It takes a village!” It truly does. My daughter has just turned 4 years old and I am 9 months pregnant with my son. I had two birthday parties for Fi because I have a large family and lots of friends and I just could not fit everyone in one party. So I did what any logical and sane expectant mother would do, I had two! One for family and one for friends!

I have always been the person that doesn’t ask for help! I always need to do things on my own! I feel bad asking people for help, like it actually hurts me to ask for help. I have high anxiety and I never want to put anyone out. But this past week celebrating my baby girl just proved to me that is really does take a village. There is no way I could have thrown two parties and tackled Halloween, because why not have a holiday thrown in the mix, without the help of my family and friends. They helped me clean, set up, pick up food, take care of disasters that had occurred (like a wine spill all over my living room and the birthday girl,) and giving out cake and leftovers at the end of the parties. I honestly don’t know how I would have made Fi’s birthday so special!

I probably didn’t need to go all out but right after turning 4 her baby brother is going to be born and her world is going to be forever changed. It will no longer be just mommy, Appa and her. She will no longer have our undivided attention and with her personality I know that it will be hard for her. So I think that is why I went all out. One last hurrah before she becomes a big sister. Sorta of like a bachelorette party before the big day lol. But I wanted her to have this before everything changes.

I know that it is changing for the better, as does she, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t a lot for a 4 year old. I am just glad that I was able to last without going into labor until after her week long birthday celebration. I knew that I could not do that to her since she was so excited to celebrate being a big girl 4 year old!

As all of this was happening I was just in awe and amazement at my friends and family that went out of their way to help me. They MADE me sit and rest and just shout out orders to them while they did everything! You never realize what amazing people you have in your life until you don’t even realize that you need them! They step up and show you just how much you matter to them! If you have a village, embrace them, have some wine and know that you are loved. If you don’t have a village, find one, or hell join mine! I think I have the best village out there. I know that any one of them would drop everything for me if I needed them and they know that I would do the same for them! Here’s to the village because every mom needs hers!

Full on Exorcist Twist

Jan2

Welcome to 2018! It is only the 2nd day of the new year and I have already had it! My personal inner resolution WAS to be calmer this year! Lower my cholesterol, try not to scream so much, eat healthier and not lose my cool! Welp…3 of the 4 those things are out the door already (and who knows my cholesterol could be up and I just don’t know it!)

We were having a nice dinner that I made in the InstantPot and AirFryer, Fiona was watching her show after eating her dinner, we were relaxed and eating healthy. Things were looking good! Then it was time for a Fi to brush her teeth! She refused! I stayed calm and nice and tried to negotiate, because all parenting a pre-schooler really consists of is honing your negotiation skills to the point of perfection!

Turns out I still need a little more practice. After making her cry and throwing her book across the room (I did the throwing because she tried to take it from me) I brushed her teeth and put her pjs on her. I chose princess pjs but she wanted Elsa. Too bad kid, you should have done what I asked. She screamed in her bed for a good 5 minutes. That’s when I heard her run across the room! We don’t get out of bed when we are in trouble in my house. When I told her to get back into bed she responded with “NO!!!!!!” Well… that sent me into a tailspin! I grabbed every single one of her dolls (she sleeps with quite a few) and took them all out of her room!

Enter the best impression of Linda Blair, minus the pea soup vomit, I have ever seen from a child! We were full on possessed! I am talking speaking in tongues, head twitching side to side, high pitched wales, body contortions that would make Cirque Du Soleil look like amateur hour, rolling, kicking, grabbing, biting, throwing, and finally exhaustion!

When the demon had left her body we were able to talk so she could understand why she was in trouble and why I took her dolls away. She told me it was because she didn’t listen! Whew, that was close! She got it right! I let her pick 2 dolls to take to bed with her but I told her she had to earn the rest back by listening and doing what she is told! She seemed to understand. But we will see how long it lasts!

When I finally put her to bed, with no story, no song, pjs she didn’t want to wear and only 2 dolls she still said she loved me! Once she was in bed I walked into the living room and sobbed! Right on my couch into my husband’s chest! I sobbed because she was so sad and upset when I yelled at her. I sobbed because I was exhausted. I sobbed because I felt like a terrible mother for upsetting her. I sobbed because I have no idea what I am doing. I sobbed because I didn’t cave and stuck to my guns! I sobbed because the weight of the responsibility of raising a human is sometimes too much to take. And I sobbed because after all that she still loved me!

After all those emotions running so high, I ended the night with a huge piece of my Aunt’s pudding pie because sometime you just have to! Being a mother is hands down the hardest job in the world. There are no instructions, no one telling you that you are making the right decisions, you could be completely screwing up and ruining your kid’s life! You are constantly tired, stressed, messy and lost but I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.

I just had to do it…

Aug6

OK world….I had to do it! I just had to! There are many reasons that I could give you. I can get high and mighty or even self deprecating. But the real reason is because I wanted to. That’s it…the only reason…I simply wanted to. For me, myself and I…no one else.

What exactly did I do you ask…

I became a Thirty-One Independent Consultant!! Now, I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, “Oh wow big deal! She joined a direct selling company just like so many other moms out there! Whoopee!” Well, I will say you are partly correct. I did join a direct selling company. But not for the reasons that you are thinking. Yes, I will be able to bring in extra money for the luxuries that I desire. Yes, I will get a discount on products that I genuinely love and use on a daily basis. But these are not the reasons why I signed up.

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I signed up to be me again. I now technically have 3 jobs. I have my day job working in HR for the Department of Navy, I have my all-the-time-job of Mother to my darling daughter and now I have the fun part-time job as Daria Lee, Thirty-One Independent Consultant. And I love it! Being Mother will always be my favorite job. HR for DON is good job, it pays well, I have great benefits and I like the people. But Thirty-One Independent Consultant has given me back who I am. The outgoing, fun-loving, people person I always was. After I had Fiona I started to just be Mommy or Wife. I lost a little bit of Daria.

Always working to make sure that house was clean, dinner prepared and lunches made I stopped worrying about who I was and what my passions were. Thirty-One has given that back to me. Not only do I get to meet new people constantly but I am running my own business. I am able to show my daughter what it is like to be a leader, and thrive. I have always wanted to run my own business but I have always been too afraid to make the leap. Thirty-One has given me the opportunity to be my own boss, to grow as an individual and lead by example. At first, I joined Thirty-One to make some extra cash when my basement flooded immediately after we finished it, but it has given me so much more than I have ever expected!

So yes, I am a working mother with 2 more jobs but I know that my daughter is learning so much by watching her mother be the person that she was always meant to be…a woman making her dreams a reality!

That Moment!

Jun5

I had that moment last night! You know that moment that every parent has! That every parent says you will have when you get pregnant! That moment! Nothing special was happening, nothing out of our normal every night bedtime routine. My husband and I had changed our daughter’s diaper, put her in her pajamas and was getting her ready for bed. I was holding her, rocking her in my arms and she as was drinking her bottle all by herself, as she has now learned to do. Her lullabys were playing and the lights were dim. It was just another night at bedtime. But it was the night that it hit me! Hit me big time! I looked down at her innocent face and Wham!!! Like a slap in the face! She was my little girl! I had created this amazing little person! I was responsible for her; for her happiness, her love, her nourishment, her everything! I knew then and there that I would do absolutely anything to make sure that she had everything she could possible need or want! My heart swelled and tears began to form as I realized a love that I never thought possible! Is it possible to love someone this much? Is it possible that the human heart is big enough for this feeling?

Today she is napping her pack and play while my cousin is installing a ceiling fan in her room. As I watch her sleep I think about all the things I want to teach her, things I want to show her and places I want to take her. I want her to have every opportunity to do and experience things in her life. I want her to see the world as a place full of light and possibilities. I want her to know that she can accomplish anything she desires. I want her to know that she is capable of anything she puts her mind to. I want her to know that this world is hers for the taking! I want to teach her that no matter what she is loved and cherished by those around her. I want to teach her that the world is nothing to be afraid of. I want to teach her to soar and dream! I want to show her all the ends of the earth! I want to show her how beautiful the world can be, how peaceful the sea after a storm. I want to give her the world!

Return to Normal?

Jan25

I have now officially returned to work. My daughter is now 12 weeks old and I spent those 12 weeks out on maternity leave, some paid and some unpaid. I was able to be home with my daughter for her first Halloween (althoughwe were still in the hospital since she was born on 10/30), her first Thanksgiving, her first Christmas and her first New Year’s  Eve. I was home to cuddle with my little one, kiss her toes and snuggle her cheeks. I nursed her in the beginning and then moved her to formula (breastfeeding was not right for us), I changed all of her diapers and gave her baths. I would love to say that I loved every minute of it, but then I would lying. I love MOST of it. I was happy to have that time with her but when my 12 weeks was up I was ready to go back to work. I am a very social person and I am not the type that can be a stay at home. I give so much credit to those that can but I could never do it. I need to be out and about with other adults, dealing with things not related to my children. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter more than anything but I also believe that parents need to have lives that don’t revolve around their children 24/7. Yes, 90% of the time your life should be about your children but you need that 10% to keep you from going crazy.  Going back to work, joining the gym and returning to church are just that for me. They have become the 10% of my time that I get for me. Work allows me to focus on things other than my daughter, to challenge my brain and use it so I don’t become stupid. The gym allows me to decompress after work or after my daughter has been screaming for an hour and won’t nap. Church allows me to reconnect with myself, my faith, my center after the craziness of a week of work, the gym and Fiona.

At first I felt guilty for being ready to go back to work (after only 6 weeks of maternity leave.) People would ask me, “How can you want to leave your baby?” But the thing is, it was not a desire to LEAVE my child, but a desire to return to myself. A desire to return to and finish the things I began before my daughter was born. I want to be able to give my daughter the world but to do that I need to work hard to provide for her and I need to remain calm and sane. I still have my dream of going to grad school and to further my career. Having a daughter has not changed any of those dreams. She has just added to my love and desire for great things. Call me a terrible mother if you want to but I think I am doing just fine.