There is so much truth to the phrase “It takes a village!” It truly does. My daughter has just turned 4 years old and I am 9 months pregnant with my son. I had two birthday parties for Fi because I have a large family and lots of friends and I just could not fit everyone in one party. So I did what any logical and sane expectant mother would do, I had two! One for family and one for friends!
I have always been the person that doesn’t ask for help! I always need to do things on my own! I feel bad asking people for help, like it actually hurts me to ask for help. I have high anxiety and I never want to put anyone out. But this past week celebrating my baby girl just proved to me that is really does take a village. There is no way I could have thrown two parties and tackled Halloween, because why not have a holiday thrown in the mix, without the help of my family and friends. They helped me clean, set up, pick up food, take care of disasters that had occurred (like a wine spill all over my living room and the birthday girl,) and giving out cake and leftovers at the end of the parties. I honestly don’t know how I would have made Fi’s birthday so special!
I probably didn’t need to go all out but right after turning 4 her baby brother is going to be born and her world is going to be forever changed. It will no longer be just mommy, Appa and her. She will no longer have our undivided attention and with her personality I know that it will be hard for her. So I think that is why I went all out. One last hurrah before she becomes a big sister. Sorta of like a bachelorette party before the big day lol. But I wanted her to have this before everything changes.
I know that it is changing for the better, as does she, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t a lot for a 4 year old. I am just glad that I was able to last without going into labor until after her week long birthday celebration. I knew that I could not do that to her since she was so excited to celebrate being a big girl 4 year old!
As all of this was happening I was just in awe and amazement at my friends and family that went out of their way to help me. They MADE me sit and rest and just shout out orders to them while they did everything! You never realize what amazing people you have in your life until you don’t even realize that you need them! They step up and show you just how much you matter to them! If you have a village, embrace them, have some wine and know that you are loved. If you don’t have a village, find one, or hell join mine! I think I have the best village out there. I know that any one of them would drop everything for me if I needed them and they know that I would do the same for them! Here’s to the village because every mom needs hers!
Have you ever known a person, or persons, so well that you didn’t need to use complete sentences, thoughts or even ideas to communicate with them? You can just ramble on about any abstract item and it makes complete and total sense to the person to whom you are speaking? Or been in a conversation with several people at once, each of you going on about some random topic and having it all makes sense those of you in conversation but when an “outsider” hears or reads, in the case of text, they have absolutely no idea what is going on? I witnessed this recently with my husband and his friends. It is as if they have their own language that only the few of them can understand. I do not know if it is a “guy” thing or just because they have known each other for so long and have literally been to the other side of world together but it is something that I will never understand.
To be honest, there is a small pang of jealousy that they have this world that belongs only to them. A world that I could never hope to inhabit, try as I might. I am amazed at their bond and love for each other and I think, “I want to be a part of that.” This tremendous world that they live in, whether they are together, talking through text, or playing a video game over the internet, they are all just THERE. They can go months without a call, text or email and when they come back together it is as if they were never apart. Is it wrong that I want to be a part of it?
I sit back to think on that question and the answer hits me like a ton of bricks. YES, it is. The desire to want to be a part of it is not wrong but actually trying to be, is. This is my husband’s space, his world apart from me. He needs to have that. He needs to have that group that he can go to, talk to, hang with that does not include me. After all, we have our own world as well, don’t we? We are married and starting a family. We have a bond in which no one else can take part. It would be like him trying to join in on my “girl’s nights” with my high school girlfriends. We need to have that separate time so that when we come back to each other at the end of the evening, or week if he has flown out to visit the boys, we can share our stories and experiences with each other. Doing so will strengthen our bond as a couple and as people.
I thank the heavens everyday that my husband has people like them in his life. People he can trust no matter what. They will always be there for him when he needs them just as he will always be there for them should they need him. I hope that everyone has a least one person in his or her life like this. And if you don’t, I pray you find one.