My family and I just took a huge leap of faith! Well I guess it was more like a stroll of faith if you consider how long it actually took for it to come to fruition!
In April of 2024 my husband was recommended to apply for a new position by a friend who had just accepted a similar position with the same company. The main requirement was that we needed to relocate to the Orlando Florida area. We discussed the pros and cons for our family of 4, but ultimately made the decision that he would at least apply and we would see what happens. Within 3 weeks of him hearing about the job; he applied, passed the assessment, interviewed, and was offered the position! It was kind of like a whirlwind romance.
He accepted the position and we started the process of preparing to move from Southern NJ, just outside of Philly, where I was born and raised, to Florida. Living in Florida has always been my dream! The beautiful, paradise like climate, the beautiful views and all the things to see and do. No to mention my dream retirement is to work in a shop for Disney or Universal! I was 42 at the time, he was 40, and I truly felt that the universe and God put this opportunity in front of us for a reason. We wanted to have better opportunities for our children and their dreams and interests! My 10yr daughter is interested in the space program and my 6yo son wants to be a farmer.
I am incredibly excited for this new chapter and all of the things we will be able to accomplish and experience!
I say that it was a stroll of faith because we decided to build a home in a new community which took time, and we also chose to allow our children to finish the school year in NJ. So my husband moved down to start his new job in November and I stayed behind with our kids to sell the house, finish the school year and complete the move!
We have been here just about a week now and while we are still unpacking and getting settled, I have high hopes for the days and years to come! If tou want to achieve your dreams you have to fight for them! Take the leap, or stroll, of faith and make it happen!
How hard is too hard? That is the question that I asked myself today. I am referring to how hard we push our kids outside their comfort zone. How hard is too hard to push them to try something new? How hard is too hard to push them to do something you know they will love and asked to do but when the time comes to do it they refuse?
That is the exact situation I was in today with E. But let me backup and start from the beginning. Last spring we signed E up for tot soccer with our local town program. This was his first time on a team (he had taken gymnastics class when he was 2 but that was different)He had just turned 4. We wanted him to have something to do outside of tv watching and video games (which we do limit throughout the week.) But we want him to learn how to work with others, how to be on a team, and how to follow directions from someone other than parents and teachers. And honestly, learning to be a coachable kid is a huge skill that I think most parents forget to teach their children. he absolutely loved playing soccer. It was 8 weeks on Saturday morning and he couldn’t get enough! He even told me that he couldn’t wait to play in the next season!
Cut to the next season! The first practice of the season he did well! Took some coaxing to get him on the field but once he was out there he had a blast. The next week dad took him. When we refused to play for almost 30 minutes (of the 45 minute practice) dad let him leave and then took away electronic privileges for the remainder of the day. I dis agreed with dad allowing him to leave. I thought he should have made him at least stay the full time and watch the practice.
Well that is the situation I was in today. We arrive and he is kicking the ball around with me having a great time, but when it is time to go on the field with his team, he has none of it. He DOES NOT want to go out there. He told me is scared but would not tell him why he is scared. It was not drop off soccer. There is a designated area for the parents to stand and watch, which is the complete outer rim of the playing field. All the parents were right there cheering their kids on. So that is where I tried to stand, while trying to coax him out there. But I ask, how hard is too hard?
He has 4 friends on his team from school, which I thought would totally help get him out there. But again, he would have none of it. I coaxed him to at least sit on his ball at the very edge cone on the field. It was a start. One of the youth assistant coaches came over and he was not having it. I finally got E to tell me that he was scared because the coaches were not the same coaches as last year and he didn’t know them! OK!! Progress! We identified the fear!! Then another youth assistant coach came over to work with, but this time he hung in there. I asked his name, Brent, and explained that E was scared that he didn’t know the coaches. Brent got down to his level, introduced himself, and told E a little bit about himself. That didn’t get him on the field but it made him a little more comfortable.
All the while this is happening, I am standing just 2 feet from him. Allowing the coaches to do what they do. After a few minutes, E ran back to me. I asked him to at least try. I didn’t care if he kicked the ball all over the field, scored a goal, or even ran around. I just wanted him to try to stand on the field with his teammates. I informed that if daddy found out he didn’t even try he would lose his electronics privileges again (probably not the best tactic but I was desperate.) Then his friend’s mom said that she would give him a lollipop if he stood with his teammates (again, bribery is probably not the best solution but I am still desperate here.)
With only 10 minutes left in the 45 minute practice, he met the head coach, Coach Elena and her sister, the assistant coach. They offered to allow him to stand with Coach Elena and help coach the team. Be coaches in training! He got out there. He stood with Coach Elena and observed at first! But then ball got kicked right to him and he kicked it back! All the parents on the sides helped me cheer him on, which was awesome because it really does take a village. And that was all he needed! I yelled to him how proud I am of him and he was off to the races. I stuck it out with him for 35 minutes and it worked!
I was ready to give in but I didn’t! I taught him that we don’t quit. When we overcome an obstacle it makes us so proud! He was so proud of himself when the practice was finished! And I am so proud of him for getting out there!
I came to the realization today that I suck at making mom friends! I am awkward. I stutter. I make stupid jokes. All in the hopes that the mom in the dance class parking lot will engage and want to talk to me. When we were children we were almost forced into some time of friendships because the moms were friends, or we were in school together and the whole class had to be invited to the birthday party. So it was a pseudo friendship. I had quite a few of them. When I speak with the moms of those kids that I played with, I politely ask how their child is doing and tell them to give “Johnny” or “Sally” my best even though I have not seen them for years!!! Because if not, my mother will “South Philly Italian” slap me upside the head.
As we got older we made and kept friendships based on similar interests but still it was easy to start a conversation because you were in the same homeroom or on the same sports team. You had the basic connection of a shared space for a finite period of time. You had to engage with peers and therefore friendships blossomed. And that is amazing!!! Many people keep those friendships into adulthood and that is a blessing. But sadly, for many that doesn’t happen. We grow up, grow apart, move away, go off to college or whatever happens that causes the separation.
Now I find myself struggling to connect with people now that I am a side part combing, skinny jean wearing, cry face emoji using old maid mama. Don’t get me wrong…I love all three of those things! They give me comfort and make me feel safe and secure. And this skinny jean wearing mama can go to the wine store!!!
With all the isolation and separation due to The Rona it is already hard enough to connect with the people we HAVE a relationship with, let alone try to make new connections! I was at the park during the week with my 6yo daughter and she was having the time of her life. While she was playing I overheard a mom say something amazing to her son (I don’t remember what it is now because after 2 kids, a full time job and isolation I have Dory’s memory) but I made a comment in agreement and she engaged! She responded and we started talking. She was laughing and I was laughing…the mom flirting was going great! Because that is what you have to do when you want to make a new mom friend. You have flirt with them. Tell them they’re pretty. That their “eyes are like the see after a storm.” Tell them they’re doing a boss job mommying it. Whatever it takes for them to just engage. So then when I asked if which school her 7 yo son went to, because you know…my kid is 6… her kid is 7…close in age…play date planning in my head…mom flirting…she was trying to get them to play together…then she drops the bomb and my dreams of a new mom friend are shattered…her in-laws live in town, she doesn’t and then she left. I felt like it was just swiped the wrong way on Tinder (I have no idea which direction is good or bad on Tinder because I am a side part mom.)
Now please don’t take this post to mean that I have no friends. That would just be pathetic and only slightly accurate. I have some excellent and wonderfully dear friends. A couple from my childhood, a couple from high school, a couple from college and a few dear friends through work. Other than my “work” friends, many of my other friends and I have differing parenting styles, opposing political views and our lifestyles don’t match (our kids are all different ages and they don’t really play together.) Also, I am new in my town and it would be nice to have 1 or 2 moms that I can talk to about things happening in the school, roll our eyes together at school board meetings or even volunteer together for school field trips (if the apocolypse is ever averted and they have them again.)
All of this is made that much harder with the mask wearing. Disclaimer…I don’t mind wearing masks. I lived in Japan where wearing a mask is not unusual and would wear them often. So please do not take what I am saying to mean I don’t want to wear a mask. I am PRO-MASK. But I think that we can all agree that the wearing of the mask makes it that much harder to connect. What I mean is…I think I am hilarious (I am humble too.) Not George Carlin or Monty Python hilarious but I have been known to get out a few side splitters. But that only works if one can hear my under breath, sarcastic comments. The ones that are made at a volume just loud of enough for the person next to me, “Mom Friend Target” to hear but low enough that person or group that I am being sarcastic about can’t hear. That does not work if I have to yell to be heard through the cloth and elastic and everyone from here to Tennessee can hear me.
The moral of the story is…if you are in the dance school parking lot or on the soccer field and a mom awkwardly tries to engage with you…be kind. More often than not that mom just needs a friend. Not necessarily a Ride or Die Friend…because she probably has one but sadly not nearby…But someone she can talk to at the weekly class/practice and not look like a loser with no friends.
Well I did it again! My beautiful son, Elliot, was born on Sunday, December 2nd and it just amazing already. Thank God he is healthy and happy. All the anxiety that I had throughout my 9 months was terrifying but apparently unnecessary. I delivered him in 44 minutes from when I started pushing, a huge change from my daughter, as I pushed for 2 hours and 45 minutes with her. The staff was absolutely amazing!
After delivery when I was finally taken to my room, a room I would not see the outside of for the next roughly 3 days. I asked my husband to stay in the hospital with me this time. When my daughter was born I told him he could home and I think that was my first mistake. With her I spent 3 days mostly alone in the hospital room. During the day it wasn’t so bad, I had some visitors, hospital staff in and out checking on me and Fiona, but at night when no one came in to check on us it got hard. I think that is part of the reason I had such bad postpartum depression. I pretty much started off as a mom all alone.
This time I voiced what I needed. I asked for help. I am so lucky to have my mom so close by. She took Fiona the whole time I was in the hospital so that Harrison could stay by my side. Though I was nursing, and he couldn’t actually feed our new bundle of joy, at least I had someone to talk to. Even though I was up at night nursing Elliot, I could look over at the pull out cot and see my loving husband there, though asleep, to support me.
That first day/night in the hospital with my new son, after the first round of hospital staff was in and out, after the first round of visitors had come and gone, I thought to myself, “I am so blessed. I have a beautiful new son, a beautiful daughter, a loving husband and an incredibly supportive family!” That is when I heard it! The screeching cry from the room next door! The screeching cry of an inconsolable baby. The constant wail from those tiny lungs. And I didn’t hear it just once. It was pretty consistent throughout our stay. All I could think was, “That poor mom! I do not know your story, but I have been there! I have been in your shoes! I know what you are going through and you can do this! I don’t know your precious baby’s story but he will be alright!” At that moment I said a prayer for her. A prayer for that mom with screeching baby and for every mom that is having a tough time of it. Sometimes all a mom or even dad needs to hear is, “You got this!’ One kind word, or even a prayer, goes a long way! If you see a parent struggling, give them a kind word. If you see a child throwing a tantrum in the middle of the mall, don’t stare. Give the parent a little acknowledgement that you understand what they are going through. Every family, every parent, every child has a story different from our own and what us parents need is kinship to make it through the day sometimes.
There is so much truth to the phrase “It takes a village!” It truly does. My daughter has just turned 4 years old and I am 9 months pregnant with my son. I had two birthday parties for Fi because I have a large family and lots of friends and I just could not fit everyone in one party. So I did what any logical and sane expectant mother would do, I had two! One for family and one for friends!
I have always been the person that doesn’t ask for help! I always need to do things on my own! I feel bad asking people for help, like it actually hurts me to ask for help. I have high anxiety and I never want to put anyone out. But this past week celebrating my baby girl just proved to me that is really does take a village. There is no way I could have thrown two parties and tackled Halloween, because why not have a holiday thrown in the mix, without the help of my family and friends. They helped me clean, set up, pick up food, take care of disasters that had occurred (like a wine spill all over my living room and the birthday girl,) and giving out cake and leftovers at the end of the parties. I honestly don’t know how I would have made Fi’s birthday so special!
I probably didn’t need to go all out but right after turning 4 her baby brother is going to be born and her world is going to be forever changed. It will no longer be just mommy, Appa and her. She will no longer have our undivided attention and with her personality I know that it will be hard for her. So I think that is why I went all out. One last hurrah before she becomes a big sister. Sorta of like a bachelorette party before the big day lol. But I wanted her to have this before everything changes.
I know that it is changing for the better, as does she, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t a lot for a 4 year old. I am just glad that I was able to last without going into labor until after her week long birthday celebration. I knew that I could not do that to her since she was so excited to celebrate being a big girl 4 year old!
As all of this was happening I was just in awe and amazement at my friends and family that went out of their way to help me. They MADE me sit and rest and just shout out orders to them while they did everything! You never realize what amazing people you have in your life until you don’t even realize that you need them! They step up and show you just how much you matter to them! If you have a village, embrace them, have some wine and know that you are loved. If you don’t have a village, find one, or hell join mine! I think I have the best village out there. I know that any one of them would drop everything for me if I needed them and they know that I would do the same for them! Here’s to the village because every mom needs hers!
I have been looking forward to this vacation since we booked it months ago. I could not wait to get away for everything and relax. Sit on the beach, lounge around at the beach house, wake up late, eat so much yummy food and not worry about anything! What I have come to realize though is…As a mom you never truly get a vacation!
Our first morning here my 2.5 yr old completely leaked through her diaper all over the bed! Thankfully there is a washer and dryer in the house that we rented. We had to wash everything and clean it all up. After visiting with some friends we headed to the beach. We get settled with our spot all set up, Fiona starts playing in the sand with Harrison and I get comfy in my chair. I look at my mom after 5 minutes and say “this is nice,” at that exact moment Harrison’s exclaims, “Uhh I think I need to go back to house!” Fiona, playing in the sand throws sand directly into his face. Not on purpose but it stills sucks. So now he can’t see anything and I have to guide him back to the house to get his eyes cleaned out.
Later that night we head out to the boardwalk for dinner and rides. We stop at this little place on the boards, Angelo’s which I highly recommend, and as I am placing my order, Fiona spills my entire 16oz water ALL OVER ME! I am soaked! She gets upset and starts to cry. We calm her down after I dry off and we eat our meal.
Many people would look at all of those things that happened and think, “Oh man this vacation is not a vacation at all. Things just keep going wrong!” But what I have come to realize is that all of those little mishaps do not ruin your vacation they enhance it. These are little things that happen that make it memorable. They make the amazing parts of your vacation that much more wonderful. When we returned to the beach after cleaning out Harrison’s eyes we had a blast in the ocean teaching Fiona how to use a Boogie Board. After the water incident we watching Fiona eat a salad and cheese ravioli with such pleasure because she loves food.
At first she was terrified to go on the rides at the boardwalk and we thought we had wasted our money on the ride tickets, but she overcame her fear and had the best time riding with me and Harrison. Our first two days of vacation had its share of ups and downs but it has been an amazing time so far!
So remember, all those little things that you think ruin a vacation, or a party, or an event, really enhance it…it all depends on your perspective!
Ramblings of an Anxious Mom 