Ok, so I didit! I bit the bullet and did it. I have been feeling very anxious and stressed lately. My cousin thinks that I may be suffering from postpartum depression and asked me to talk to someone. So I did. I was nervous at first because of the stigmas that you hear go along with postpartum depression. But I am really glad that I called. I met with the counselor for the first time. His name is Norm. He kind of reminds me of Sigmund Freud. Sweater with collared shirt underneath, grey beard and glasses.  Very nice man and easy to talk to. He does not think that I am depressed. He feels that I am suffering from anxiety caused by severe stress. Which I will definitely agree with.

I have this unbelievable fear that I am going to make a mistake raising Fiona and that I am going to mess her up for life. I also have this fear that if I call the pediatrician too many times they will think that I am a bad mother and take her away from me. I know it is an unfounded fear but it is a significant one for me nonetheless.

Adding to my anxiety is the fact that Fiona has decided that sleep is her enemy. She loses her mind whenever we put her down to sleep, at bed time or at nap time. She is normally swaddled but she has begun rolling over in the crib while swaddled, so we need to put her down unswaddled.  So she is leaening to sleep unswaddled and sleeping back in the crib. I know that bedtime/nap time is going to be difficult and I dread having to deal with it.  To the point where I can’t sleep or focus on anything else.

Norm did tell me I am doing some things right. He says that my Tai Chi class is excellent because the breathing exercises will help reduce my anxiety, workout classes will help reduce my stress and blogging will allow me to get everything out and off my chest! Glad to know I am doing something right.

He did say that I am a people pleaser and I need to get over that. Now that I have a daughter she is the only one I need to make happy. I agree with him. I hate confrontation so I try to make everyone happy. I need to knock that off.

We are meeting again in 2 weeks, after Harrison returns to work. My anxiety is high over the changes that will happen with that. I will keep you posted as to my progress.

If one person benefits from the struggles in my journey I will feel good.