Got some news today. Not good not bad. Just news. I had a mammogram on Friday. Today is Tuesday. I got a call from the radiologist telling me they need to take a second look at my right breast. There was no alarm in her voice. No urgency to scheduling if the follow up scan. Just matter of fact statement. This is what we need to do and what you need to bring. Simple.

I cried for the next 2 hours as I called my doctor to get a script. To the receptionist as I tried to tell her what kind of script I needed because I couldn’t process what the radiologist tech told me I needed to get. To my nurse cousin as I texted her to calm me down. To my closeted friends as I reached out for comfort and support.

There is no new other than the fact that they need to take another look at the breast. Period. But my fear and anxiety have gone into overdrive. Imagining every single horrendous and terrible scenario it can possibly think up.

Is it cancer? Will I lose my breast? Will I lose them both? Will I die young? Is it nothing? Am I overthinking? Overreacting? What will happen to my kids? The plans we have? Can my husband handle things without me?

But I know nothing right now other than they need to look again! Why do our minds take us to these places? Why does fear and anxiety consume us in this way? It is 6pm and I am in bed, alone, with the kids downstairs with their dad. I am terrified of so many different scenarios playing through mg head right now because fear and anxiety have taken over. Why do we let it consume us? How do move through it?